Walking with Hands Held Open

Elisabeth Elliot wrote:

"It was manifest that the anxiety that shadowed too many of my days was that I should miss the path of righteousness. Better that anxiety, perhaps, than a cavalier carelessness, but the years since have proved to me over and over again that the heart set to do the Father's will need never fear defeat. His promises of guidance may be fully counted upon. Does it make sense to believe that the Shepherd would care less about getting his sheep where He wants them to go than they care about getting there?"

Something that I've been intentionally trying to do this past week is to remember to walk with my hands held open - meaning, walking through my days in a posture of surrender. This life is not my own; it was given to me as a gift from my Father. Every good thing he gives me, I want to offer right back up to Him. This story of David is a perfect example of this:

2 Samuel 23

13 During harvest time, three of the thirty chief men came down to David at the cave of Adullam, while a band of Philistines was encamped in the Valley of Rephaim. 14 At that time David was in the stronghold, and the Philistine garrison was at Bethlehem. 15 David longed for water and said, "Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!" 16 So the three mighty men broke through the Philistine lines, drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David. But he refused to drink it; instead, he poured it out before the LORD. 17 "Far be it from me, O LORD, to do this!" he said. "Is it not the blood of men who went at the risk of their lives?" And David would not drink it.
Such were the exploits of the three mighty men.

I always get moved to tears whenever I read this story. David is seen as an enemy in the very place he called home. He probably used to drink water from the well by the gate when he was a young boy growing up in Bethlehem. All he wanted was a small taste of the comforts of home. His mighty men, being the best kinds of friends a man could ask for, risked their lives to get some for him. But David sets an example for all future generations of what it means to walk through life with hands held open - and pours out the water as an offering to God. He gives back the very thing that would provide him with so much joy and comfort, trusting that God would provide for all his needs. How beautiful.

As I walk through this transitional time in life, it is easy, in my desire for stability, to grab a hold of something - anything - and act likes its mine to manipulate, enjoy, and cherish, instead of offering it back up to my Savior. I hope and desire and pray that my heart's posture would mirror that of David, and ultimately, Jesus, who prayed, "not my will, but yours be done."

Changes...

Well...seeing it's been way too long since I've written on my blog, I figure a little update is in order:

I am back at school in Tennessee and the last of the autumn leaves are falling off the branches.  It's such a wonderful time to be here - Bryan is in a valley so on either side the hills are just on fire and it is so beautiful. But as with every season - change must come, and I feel the tug of winter's wind as I walk outside now.  Pretty soon all the leaves will be gone, which will usher in one of my favorite times of the year - Christmas time!  

The semester only has five more weeks left in it and crunch time is upon me (funny how I'm writing in my blog during crunch time...) papers, projects, and final assignments are piling up, but I'm managing to keep my head above water :)

I am looking intensely toward the future right now - I'm graduating in May of 2010!!!  I've been really wrestling with what it means to know the will of God and how to walk in obedience - especially when there are big decisions ahead with no clear direction in sight.

Someone who has been such an encourager and such an amazing blessing in my life during this time is my boyfriend, Jake.  I met him last semester at the Focus on the Family Institute - and can I just say, most amazing young man I've ever met.  His heart is so hard after God, he's such an encourager, and he really pushes me to ask the hard questions as I journey through this transitional year.  I am so thankful for the blessing he is in my life.

Jake and Me :)

I am so thankful that our God is faithful when we are so faithless.  My heart desires intimacy with my King, but so often I fall short of seeking Him with the passion that I desire to.  I want my life to be a continual journey of knowing Him and being transformed into his image.  Life is so good - and such an adventure.  

Artwork!

Remember this picture?

When I was at Focus, I had a favorite Starbucks I would go to that had a fantastic view of the Rocky Mountains.  It's where I would go to journal, read, think, or hang out with friends.  This particular Starbucks showcased a lot of local artists' work, including the picture below.  I loved it so much for it's simplicity and the colors, so I took a picture of it and posted it on this blog.

Fast-forward to the end of the semester: I decided to buy a canvas to create a piece of artwork that encapsulated my time at Focus.  I was hoping to make the piece artwork before I left FFI, but things just got too busy.  So here I am, at home, the summer's coming to an end, and I realize I still have a blank canvas.

As I was trying to think of what my inspiration should be for my artwork, my mind went back to the painting in Starbucks.  And I went from there!

The original had words that had little meaning to me, so while the picture is very similar to the original, the words are my own.  The first picture is the original in Starbucks, and the last is my finished product!

At Focus, we learned that God is Truth - he is Ultimate Reality.  He is the source of life - everything in this world springs from Him.  If we have our roots firmly established in Truth, then we can obey Jesus' command in John 15:6 to "go and bear fruit."  My time at Focus was very equipping, and now this picture will always remind me to take what I've learned, the Truth that I've gained, and go and bear fruit.  While at the same time reminding me of my beloved Colorado Springs Starbucks :)  

It's been a while since I've created art like this, so I see a lot of room for improvement.  But now that I've gotten back into it, I'm inspired to do more.  

What do I wanna be when I grow up?

Times are a-changin'.  It's funny how when you get to a certain time in your life (a.k.a. soon to graduate college) you find yourself asking that age-old question: "what do I wanna be when I grow up?"  When the endless frontier of school is no longer stretching out before me, it means I have some options.  And I find myself entering into a whole new adventure.  Really, the possibilities are endless.  I could end up in California or back in the South - or maybe, even in another country!  Who knows!  As I ponder this question and ask random people what they think I should be when I grow up (I mean, someone's gotta tell me ;), I keep coming back to the question: what do I really like - and not just like, but what am I passionate about?

First of all, I am passionate about kids, of all ages.  Anywhere from about 3 to college age.  I am working in the youth group at my church right now, and worked with missionary kids last summer in Slovakia, and loved it.  I feel like working with kids or young adults may be in my future at some point.

I also love communicating in front of large groups.  I used to compete in public speaking in elementary school all the way to my senior year in High School and LOVED it.  I have had a few opportunities to speak in front of groups at Bryan (particularly women) and have LOVED those times too.  Whenever I am able to teach people something or impart something that God has taught me to a group, I feel like I am doing exactly what I'm meant to do.  Teaching maybe?

I love writing.  Ever since I could hold a pencil, I have wrote short stories (including the "Heather" series when I was 7), written in journals and diaries, and now, blogging is my new outlet (although I would never give up my old fashioned, personal journal).  I have also gotten more into writing letters to people.  I believe letter writing is a lost art - you can keep letters forever, they are fun to receive, and you can never accidently delete them :).  They are probably more fun for me to write than they are for people to receive them!  Writing, maybe?

I love the arts.  I love leading worship, crafts, decorating, art projects, good music, cooking, all of it!  I always feel super satisfied when I am able to add an artistic touch to whatever it is that I am doing.

I love hospitality.  Having people to my dorm room, meeting people for coffee, and living a lifestyle that says, "come talk to me.  I have time for you!"  I don't know how this shows itself in a job, but whatever I do, if it involves people, I will be happy!

I love Biblical studies - my major!  I love digging into the Word and finding truths for my life that I can also encourage others with.  There is nothing more satisfying than those rare moments when I feel like "a Berean" - searching out the scriptures and doing the hard work to make sure what I'm believe is true.  I'm still learning how to do this (it will be a life-long journey) but God's Word is so rich and never grows old!  If I could spend my whole life growing in my passion for God's Word and imparting my passion and what I learn to others, that would be the ultimate.  But how?

I don't expect to have "the answer" anytime soon, or ever, for that matter.  I believe my life will be a mosaic of different opportunities that God will graciously bring along my path at the right time.  As Jim Elliot was always so faithful to point out, "there is nothing more adventurous than being in the will of God (paraphrase)."  It's fun to be in a time of life where I can dream and think about these things and wait for what God will do.  I'm already praying for His will to be done in my life and that He would bring about the right opportunities at the right time.  What a cool time of life :)

A Time of Training

Ever since I've been home from FFI, my question has been, "Lord, I just experienced the most amazing, equipping semester of my life.  And here I am.  Home.  Doing online classes.  Now what Lord???!!!"  I've definitely been bit by "the restless bug" again, longing for some great assignment from my Master.  Recently, I've had clarity from my King about what this time at home means and why it is so important.

The clarity came from 1 Corinthians 9:24-27:

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?  Run in such a way as to get the prize.  Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.  They do it to get a crow that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.  Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly;  I do not fight like a man beating the air.  No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified from the prize."

I italicized "strict training", because the Lord is show me that that is where he has me.  How am I supposed to run in a way to get the prize when I'm not even in shape?!  This summer so far has been such a valuable time of one-on-one training with Rabbi Jesus.  He's teaching me how to spend my time wisely, how to manage my finances, what quality time with Him looks like, how to pray, how to just sit and meditate on his Word - the list is endless!  It makes me so excited to know that this summer isn't just a meaningless "holding time" where I just have to make it through.  This summer is such a valuable, crucial time.  

Other words of encouragement have come in the form of In the Shadow of the Almighty - the Life and Testament of Jim Elliot.  Wow!  God has encouraged me so much by reading about this incredible man of faith and how he lived his short 28 years with the passion and vigor most people don't find in their entire life.  How I long to live my life for God in this way!  Here is my shameless plug: read this book!  Your life will never be the same.

 

run, Run, RUN!

This is my favorite video to watch when I feel lack-luster in my Christian walk (or maybe, I should say, hike, or run, or marathon.  Walk sounds too easy!).  I hope it fires you up like it does me every time!

Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cizsb_GE_zc

Enjoy!

Where do I start?

Here's a pic with all my good FFI friends.  How I miss them!

Hi Friends!

I have not blogged in a good long while - too long!  I guess so much has been happening in my life and heart that I haven't felt capable of putting it all in written form.  I'm trying to get over the idea that I have to have all my thoughts together before I blog.  It's all a process :)

Well, as you may have guessed, I am back from the Focus on the Family Institute.  What a life-changing experience that was!  I met some of the dearest friends I could ever hope to make and God met me in such a deeply personal way there.  It's like he took all the deep wounds in my heart, had me look at them, then slowly began to heal them in such a kind, gentle way.  I love my Savior - so much.  I always would say to my friends and family when I would talk about Focus, "If God just meets me there and I am able to know him more and love him more deeply, then my time there will be worth it."  And he did that  - and so much more.  I am so thankful.

Now I am dealing with a whole other season that was entirely different than my experience at Focus.  Remember that restless heart that I talked about a long time ago?  It's back!  I'm home with my parents and doing school all day long, every day.  I am so glad that I get to - it's what's making it possible for me to graduate on time.  But I just spent the most amazing semester learning so much about the world and feeling like I was being equipped to go and make a difference, and here I am, at home, in my room.

My question that I bring to the Lord today and every other day, is "Lord - how do I make a difference today?  What does that look like?"  I am desperately trying to figure out how to be a world changer in the mundane things - in every day life.  I can't always be on the front-lines, sometimes I may just be called to prepare for the front lines, or pray for those on the front lines.  I am still trying to figure out what this looks like.

I praise God again and again for what he did in my heart at the Institute.  Now my question is - what now Lord?  And as he seemed to say to me a lot last semester, he seems to be saying to me now - "Stay, Becky.  Just stay."  I get so restless so quickly.  O Lord - this heart will be restless until it finds it's rest in you.

If you read my blog during the semester, thanks for walking a bumpy road with me!  I am now attempting to just be content where I am and see what the Lord is doing.  He is always taking me on some sort of adventure!