Given More than Beyond Measure

-some of my favorite pictures as of late-

-every morning I wake up and see the rugged beauty of Pike's Peak, the local 14,000 footer-

-these are some of my buds here: Sarah, Jim, and Curtis, they are the bomb-

-Hanging out with Jeremy Camp, his wife (0n his left) and the band at the Focus broadcast studios (I told them I wanted a goofy picture :)

-Jeremy Camp's lovely wife, Adie, in the green shirt.  She used to sing for the Christian rock band, Benjamin Gate -

I'm not gonna lie.  I'm a little overwhelmed right now - on so many levels.  In the last two days, I've gotten to meet James and Shirley Dobson, Christian authors John Trent, Gary Smallie, and Gary Thomas, and music artist Jeremy Camp and his wife Adie.  I'm overwhelmed at the thought that I've gotten to be in the presence of such great Christian leaders, thinkers, and artists.  But more than that, I'm overwhelmed at what God has been doing in my heart.  As I sat in interview after interview today - my Savior seemed to be hitting my heart with meat tenderizer.  I know that sounds terrible, but it's just what I needed.  

I listened to 65 year old Gary Smallie cry out to my generation to let scripture penetrate our hearts and change our lives.  I listened to Dr. Del Tackett plead with our generation to let God's character be the model for our marriages:

"We have to stop looking to other people, like our spouses, to enhance OUR life script.  It's not about us and our script - it's all about experiencing the intimacy that has been being experienced in the Trinity for all eternity - and this cannot be accomplished with the mindset: 'IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!'" - Dr. Del Tackett

I also listened to the heart-breaking tragedy that Jeremy Camp has gone through with losing his first wife and how God has redeemed his life from the pit.  He is married now to Adie and has two beautiful daughters.  

With each subsequent interview and speaker today that I listened too - I kept hearing from my Savior:

"Don't you see, Becky?  Do you hear me now?  I'm not here to harm you - I'm hear to heal you!  Will you let me?  Will you stay in the light and not shrink back and see what wonders I bring to pass in your life? "

My heart literally feels like it is groaning from how it is being stretched.  It sometimes seems to be too much to handle.  But I would be a fool to not listen to the wisdom I heard today, which in a nutshell can be summed up in:

This life is all about Him

We try to make it about so many other things: ourselves, our scripts, gaining God's approval, trying to be a good person, doing the right thing, not getting in too much trouble, having fun, being cool - whatever.  It's all a facade.  The ultimate, most fulfilling goal is him.  Just ask 65 year old best-selling author Gary Smallie.  He'll tell you.  He's tried the good Christian route and it brings him to the broadcast studio and elderly and humble man crying out - "its all about him.  I've tried everything else - and I stand before you today say, it's still all about him."

I know this may not make any sense.  It's ok if it doesn't.  This is kind of just helping me process all that God is doing in my stubborn heart.  Thanks for bearing with me.

The truth is - I've already been given more than beyond measure.  Christ has already paid it all - if only I would just stop striving and let him use me as a vessel.  

I need to stop - I'm so rambling right now.  I just wish all of you could feel what I feel right now - total and utter awe of the worth of Christ and pursuing my life in him.  

My Friends

Hi guys!

I've been thinking about friendship a lot recently.  Good friends are really hard to find, no?  Somehow, and for some reason, God has blessed me with the most amazing friends and I am pretty much in awe of His grace for that.  I have friends that build me up, admonish me, and (gasp!) even love me enough to point out sin in my life.  I just wanted to use this space to honor them and let the world (haha!) know what I love about my friends.

This is Ally - and she's pretty much the bomb.  We became roomies freshman year after we both had had a not-so-fun roommate experience.  Since then, we have been really good friends.  She is everything that I am not: super disciplined, an oldest child, very structured, blunt, and witty.  I admire her so much and appreciate how when we hang out, our opposite personalities balance out.  

This is my beautiful sister Heather that I admire so much.  She is one of the best wives and mothers that I have ever met - I have so much to learn from her example.  Whenever we get together, it's like no time has passed.  I appreciate how I can be totally goofy around her and she feels the same.  She has gone through some really tough stuff recently, but she hasn't let it harden her heart or get bitter.  She only lets her hardships draw her closer to the heart of God.  I love her so much!

Chelsea!  How did I get blessed with a friend like this?  This girl is going to change the world someday, I am convinced.  She is so beautiful, spunky, athletic, and fun.  Her heart for God and passion for life are contagious.  I probably laugh harder with this girl than anyone I know.  

Dani (Dinksly)!  She is pretty much awesome - and she has impacted my life in so many ways.  Her heart for Jesus and passion for His Kingdom is something that I admire so much in her.  She always encourages me to not hide the testimony that God has given me.  She is so bold in her faith - and SO much fun.  This picture perfectly represents our personalities = goofy :)  

This girl means so much to me.  Hannah (I call her Campy) represents so much of what I desire my life to look like.  Her quiet spirit and steadfast perseverance are more of a testimony than she knows.  Everything about Campy speaks gentleness and grace.  Thanks Campy for your friendship and Christ-like love.  It really speaks to my heart.

Wow.  That's what comes to my mind when I see this dynamite couple.  It would be hard for me to put into words the impact that Mark and Ashley Baker have made in my life.  From my deep Jonathan-David type friendship with Ashley, to having the privilege of watching God write their love story, this couple exemplifies what true friendship and love really mean.  They are not afraid to speak truth into my life, even when it hurts.  They know the life-changing love of Jesus and it is reflected in everything they do.  Thank you Bakers for how you have let Christ use you to change me.

My heart and life are so full with these beautiful friendships - I am so undeserving!  And there are so many more lovely friends that I wish I could put up here.  They remind me everyday that Christ's love is shown so sweetly in the context of friendship.  Thanks guys :)

Restless Heart

Hey folks!

Time is chugging away quickly here in Colorado Springs - a little too quickly for my taste :).  I am loving it so much (I'm sure that you picked up on that already!) and just savoring the people, the place, and all the amazing experiences that God has so lovingly and gently placed in my lap at just the right time.  His timing is so impeccable - and I'm learning to trust that what he has for me is truly what is best for me.  I'm not sure why that (trusting HIM) has been so hard for me - I guess that whole dumb human desire for control thing!  

Before I proceed into my musings, I want to post some pics of an ahhhh--mazing Valentines dinner that all the FFI boys threw for all of us FFI girls.  They made us feel so cherished - because the whole night was about how God sees us as women.  If any FFI guy reads this, please take this as a sincere thanks.  You have no idea how you touched this heart.  Christ was truly shown in your actions.

Here are the pics!

My table with our two great "waiters" - Jacob and Ben

The guys from my apartment complex (alpha) led us in a beautiful worship song

Cam (the guy with the guitar) wrote a song that some of the guys performed called "Let's Just be Friends" -hehe!

Here the guys are singing "My Girl" to all of us girls :)

Me and my awesome roomie, Sarah.  We have all our adventures together.  She is kind enough to join me on all my spontaneous activities: last minute runs to Starbucks, singing Taylor Swift at the top of our lungs, and sledding, hiking, or biking - whatever we want :)

Callie Grace is a great source of truth, encouragement and wisdom here.  God has used her in my life in countless ways to speak truth and remind me who I am.  Thanks Callie Grace!

Apartment 1021 - we are a pretty tight bunch!  You can tell by the fact that we color coordinate!

I read a quote from Saint Augustine the other day:

"You have made us for Yourself, Oh God, and our hearts are restless until they find 

their rest in You."

My heart breathes a sigh of complete knowing when I read this quote.  This is so where I am!  I was talking to three friends the other day (on the way back from the Pike's Peak Summit - woohoo!) about this very thing.  We were kinda projecting forward and imagining how our lives would go in the next 5-10 years.  My heart gets so excited at the thought of what God has in store - who knows?  But there is one thing I know pretty for sure:

I still have a year and a half left of school.

"But Becky, time flies, girl!  Don't rush things!  Just enjoy the moment - soak it all up.  You'll never have your college years back!"

I wish I felt the same.

When I look ahead at another year and a half of school left at Bryan, the thought really exhausts me.  I think of writing twenty page papers, reading 1,000 page commentaries, and hearing endless perspectives on inspiration, predestination, illumination, or whatever it may be.  I know this sounds so cynical.  God has blessed me so much with the opportunity to get an education, and so many people would love to have this.  It's not the education.  It's me.  I have a restless heart.

When I read this quote, I realized something.  I long for adventure, for experience, for meeting new people and doing new things.  Kind of what I'm doing right now.  But the rest of my life can't entail jetting off to a summer in Slovakia, or spending semesters in Colorado.  At some point, I'm going to need to settle down, stay in one place, and learn to cultivate faithfulness where I am.  This scares me - but I think this comes back to the trust issue again.  Do I trust that God - the source of all love, experience, friendship, everything, is enough to satisfy me wherever I am?  Will I allow this restless heart to rest in him?  

God is so sweet in every way.  He brought me here, which is one of the biggest, most precious gifts I could ever ask for.  I am learning (like I said earlier) that he is so worthy of my full affections, trust, and heart.  I am praying that he takes this restless heart and shows me that it can rest in the huge adventure of knowing Him.  

A Shout out to Dads

haha - I doubt many (if any) fathers read this blog, besides my own, but even then it is worth saying it for his ears, because what I'm about to say totally applies to him in every way.

Yesterday I was at Target, and when I left, I saw the cutest thing.  It was a dad and his small son walking to the car.  I imagine the man's wife had sent him to get something for her, and he decided to take his son with him.   They were just talking, having man time, and it was so cute.

On the flip side, a few months ago I was in the Huston airport, and I saw something that broke my heart.  I was by myself - so this warranted a little people watching. I was eating lunch in the food court.  To my left was a father and his 12-14 year old son eating lunch.  They were obviously in transit somewhere.  It would have been a perfect time for the father and the son to talk, to just catch up on life and hang out, but the father was continually distracted by his Blackberry.  The son would try to start a conversation, but the father would just say one word, then look at his Blackberry again.  Oh what this fast paced world has done to families!  Gone are the days of fishing leisurely on a Saturday afternoon, a dad working with his son in the workshop - imparting wisdom.  We are often far too distracted by sports, Blackberries, internet, etc.  

BUT...this post is not meant to point out the woes of modern society.  I just say what I did above to point out how the way society has turned breaks my heart.  I'm such a family-lover to the core, that when I see families torn apart by technology, business, or anything, it literally breaks my heart.  What I do want to do is say a huge THANK YOU to dads out there that are faithfully raising their kids with love, firmness, leadership, and diligence.  I feel like TV ads, movies, and shows often hail the wonders of a good mom, and well they should, but always show the father to be a doofus.  What a tragedy!  That is what I'm learning is called "the feminization of culture."  We've forgotten what a strong father figure looks like.  Thank you fathers who go to God's Word for strength when you feel week, who beg God to to teach you how to be a godly father, who intentionally spend time with your kids, and turn off your Blackberries at the dinner table.  You have no idea what a difference you are making! 

 I say this because I had the privilege of growing up with a father of excellence.  He taught me so much.  He taught me to play guitar, counseled me with me when life was hard, took me on breakfast dates every week, was very strong, but not afraid to be vulnerable when he knew I needed it.  He sometimes said hard things because he saw my potential when I didn't.  There is so many more things my dad did - but suffice it to say, he is awesome.  He looks to God to show him how to be a great father and husband, and I respect that so much.

I will just  close with saying it again: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU dads (especially my dad) for what you do.  You have so much power that maybe goes unmentioned - and when you use that for your families and God's glory, it is one of the most honorable things ever.  Our culture makes being a good dad so hard, but thank you for persevering.  Christ is shown in you!

Jesus, teach me how to love

More pictures (and a video...whoa :)

Me and Sarah on a break in class

I'm learning how to be a guilt-free mother lol!  This book is actually written by Dr. Slattery, the woman I'm interning for.  It's actually really good :)

Also during a break in class - notice the signs that say "Soli Deo Gloria!"  What a great reminder that all that we learn is for the glory of God alone.

What we do all the time - read :D  Isn't the apt. cute?

Sometimes we like to get comfy when we read...but then we usually fall asleep

Happy one week anniversary of knowing each other to me and my roomies (this was actually a week ago, so now we've known each other for two whole weeks!)!  We had cupcakes and share time...wow, we are such girls.

This post will be short - because I'm feeling slightly ADD right now :).  Probably because I have been sitting in class and trying to drink out of the fire-hose of knowledge.  I just want to say, I've been learning so much about what love really means since being here at Focus.  God has sort of been taking me on a journey - how am I supposed to know what it means to love if I don't understand God's love?

The Lord led me to 1 Corinthians 13 the other day, and had been go through each attribute of love write down what it looks like to practice that in my life towards my friends and family.    It then dawned on me that God is love, so each attribute that is mentioned is who God is.  It really struck me.  I fall so short of His character and his love - I realize how selfish I am.  I guess what I'm asking of the Lord is that he would use me as a vessel for His love, because I can't conjure up this kind of love in my heart.  

Oh man.  So many lessons - for anyone who reads my blog  regularly, thank you for going on this journey with me :).  So much truth is being poured into me right now, I'm a little overwhelmed.  But I hope that what I'm learning is some encouragement to you!

A Beautiful Battle

Before I get into the "meat", can I just show you some thing that make me happy?

This is a beautiful print that I saw at Starbucks.  I think it is so meaningful too, especially for my time here.  I asked if it was for sale, but it's not :(  I think I'm going to buy a canvas and attempt to recreate it.  Sorry it's sideways!

This picture just brings joy to my being :)  Little Christian Slattery (the son of the woman I'm working for in for my internship) playing video games with big 6'8" Stewart, a fellow Institute student.  The height difference can be distracting, but the look of determination on their face is the same.  

The view from my local Starbucks (what?!)

Heaven: Bible, journal, and coffee :)

More heaven: chocolate chip banana bread, more chocolate, and coffee (ok - i just love that mug :)  Sorry Chels, I bought another mug)

I'm learning what a Good Father and what a Good Teacher I serve.  He never fails to gently point out rough patches in my heart that need smoothing.  He's been pulling out all the stops recently: teaching me and speaking to me through people, conversations with friends, His Word, sermons, classes, everything.  His voice has never been more clear to me - maybe it's the altitude (sorry - totally a joke - is that heresy?).

Before I proceed, can I just say...I hate sin.  It is so annoying.  But sin is much more than just super annoying.  It has the power to produce grooves in our hearts that make the sin patterns so much easier to fall into the more that we do them.  Sin is a very ugly, and a very powerful thing.  I've realized (in the past year) how easy it is to fall into sin when I am not listening to the Lord.  I resound so passionately with Paul when he says,  

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! 

       So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (Romans 7:21-25)

This is what I call "The Beautiful Battle".  Fighting the lure of sin and learning how to see the beauty of holiness is one of the hardest, yet most worth-while battles we can fight.  Believe me, I'm not sermonizing (or if I am, it's to myself!).  This is a very personal battle for me, one which I fight everyday.  Sometimes falling into the rut of sin seems so much easier, especially when I feel tired of fighting my flesh.  But my Savior continues to re-enforce me and give me strength to keep fighting.  

This battle became very real for me last year.  I kept falling into the same ruts of sin over and over again because I wasn't intentionally fighting or listening to the Lord.  This season of my life is a time of training.  A time when I, like a little toddler, am holding onto my Father's hand, and relying on him for the next step.  It's a continual choice I have to make to keep holding onto his hand and not wander off on my own.  Like the hymn says:

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it!  Prone to leave the God I love!  Take my heart and seal it - seal it for thy courts above."

This is my Beautiful Battle.  A battle that I often feel too weak to fight.  But I praise God for beautiful Jesus who takes the sword and fights for me when I feel weak.