Jesus, teach me how to love

More pictures (and a video...whoa :)

Me and Sarah on a break in class

I'm learning how to be a guilt-free mother lol!  This book is actually written by Dr. Slattery, the woman I'm interning for.  It's actually really good :)

Also during a break in class - notice the signs that say "Soli Deo Gloria!"  What a great reminder that all that we learn is for the glory of God alone.

What we do all the time - read :D  Isn't the apt. cute?

Sometimes we like to get comfy when we read...but then we usually fall asleep

Happy one week anniversary of knowing each other to me and my roomies (this was actually a week ago, so now we've known each other for two whole weeks!)!  We had cupcakes and share time...wow, we are such girls.

This post will be short - because I'm feeling slightly ADD right now :).  Probably because I have been sitting in class and trying to drink out of the fire-hose of knowledge.  I just want to say, I've been learning so much about what love really means since being here at Focus.  God has sort of been taking me on a journey - how am I supposed to know what it means to love if I don't understand God's love?

The Lord led me to 1 Corinthians 13 the other day, and had been go through each attribute of love write down what it looks like to practice that in my life towards my friends and family.    It then dawned on me that God is love, so each attribute that is mentioned is who God is.  It really struck me.  I fall so short of His character and his love - I realize how selfish I am.  I guess what I'm asking of the Lord is that he would use me as a vessel for His love, because I can't conjure up this kind of love in my heart.  

Oh man.  So many lessons - for anyone who reads my blog  regularly, thank you for going on this journey with me :).  So much truth is being poured into me right now, I'm a little overwhelmed.  But I hope that what I'm learning is some encouragement to you!

A Beautiful Battle

Before I get into the "meat", can I just show you some thing that make me happy?

This is a beautiful print that I saw at Starbucks.  I think it is so meaningful too, especially for my time here.  I asked if it was for sale, but it's not :(  I think I'm going to buy a canvas and attempt to recreate it.  Sorry it's sideways!

This picture just brings joy to my being :)  Little Christian Slattery (the son of the woman I'm working for in for my internship) playing video games with big 6'8" Stewart, a fellow Institute student.  The height difference can be distracting, but the look of determination on their face is the same.  

The view from my local Starbucks (what?!)

Heaven: Bible, journal, and coffee :)

More heaven: chocolate chip banana bread, more chocolate, and coffee (ok - i just love that mug :)  Sorry Chels, I bought another mug)

I'm learning what a Good Father and what a Good Teacher I serve.  He never fails to gently point out rough patches in my heart that need smoothing.  He's been pulling out all the stops recently: teaching me and speaking to me through people, conversations with friends, His Word, sermons, classes, everything.  His voice has never been more clear to me - maybe it's the altitude (sorry - totally a joke - is that heresy?).

Before I proceed, can I just say...I hate sin.  It is so annoying.  But sin is much more than just super annoying.  It has the power to produce grooves in our hearts that make the sin patterns so much easier to fall into the more that we do them.  Sin is a very ugly, and a very powerful thing.  I've realized (in the past year) how easy it is to fall into sin when I am not listening to the Lord.  I resound so passionately with Paul when he says,  

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! 

       So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (Romans 7:21-25)

This is what I call "The Beautiful Battle".  Fighting the lure of sin and learning how to see the beauty of holiness is one of the hardest, yet most worth-while battles we can fight.  Believe me, I'm not sermonizing (or if I am, it's to myself!).  This is a very personal battle for me, one which I fight everyday.  Sometimes falling into the rut of sin seems so much easier, especially when I feel tired of fighting my flesh.  But my Savior continues to re-enforce me and give me strength to keep fighting.  

This battle became very real for me last year.  I kept falling into the same ruts of sin over and over again because I wasn't intentionally fighting or listening to the Lord.  This season of my life is a time of training.  A time when I, like a little toddler, am holding onto my Father's hand, and relying on him for the next step.  It's a continual choice I have to make to keep holding onto his hand and not wander off on my own.  Like the hymn says:

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it!  Prone to leave the God I love!  Take my heart and seal it - seal it for thy courts above."

This is my Beautiful Battle.  A battle that I often feel too weak to fight.  But I praise God for beautiful Jesus who takes the sword and fights for me when I feel weak.

Base Camp Retreat

I don't think that my posts will normally be this frequent, but I'm just so excited and so much is happening that I cannot contain myself!  

So on Friday, the whole group of 76 students and all the faculty and staff of FFI went up to Horn Creek Ranch (a conference and retreat center) in the Rockies.  It was so beautiful!  On the way there, we had a blast on the bus.  Callie (my lovely roomie and friend) taught us this fun word association game.  Basically, it starts with one person saying a word, and then the next person has to say that word and the next word that comes to their mind.  It was HILARIOUS and it passed the time. Here was our final outcome:

cat; mouse; fur; whiskers; white; snow; ball; fight; club; organization; tidy; Rubbermaid; Ziploc; air; plane; crash; Hudson river; New York City; mets; museum; boring; school work; procrastinate; tomorrow; day; night; light; bright; sun; day; lunch; church; potluck; old lady desserts; yummy; apple; pie; ice cream; cold; mountains; Rockies; road; kill; axe; murder; bunnies; cotton tail; Kleenex; sneeze; bless you; Jesus; nature; squirrel; Alvin; chipmunk; trouble!

Whew!  I just thought the "old lady desserts" was hilarious.  What a fun group of people :)

When we got to the retreat center we engaged in an all-out snow ball fight in which I realized I have no throwing talent.  It was really funny because there was absolutely no sides or strategy going on, we were just kind of throwing at whoever we could.  I would like run at someone and then throw it, which is really lame, but it's the only way that I could hit someone!  

After that, we ate lunch in the lodge (which was so beautiful!).  I automatically loved the place because there was a fire place on the top and the bottom level.  

I guess it would be exhausting to go into all the details of the whole retreat, but here's the gist.  The first day we did these really cool team building games and they really helped us get to know each other and see who emerged as the sort of "leaders" and "followers".  It was really neat, because they kept reminding us that we are really not in competition while we are here.  They told us that by virtue (since most of us our leaders of some sort), we are used to fighting for a spot.  They encouraged us to leave that mentality behind and to work as a team for our goals.  

Yesterday, we also were in groups again and did a cool activity called "winter survival" where we as a group had to rank 12 items in a list of most important to least important if we were stranded in the wilderness in -25 degree weather.  It got pretty interesting! You'll  be happy to know that I am alive!  Here's a little tid-bit that I think is funny/interesting: if you are stuck outside in the cold, don't drink whiskey - it won't warm you up, it will basically freeze your heart.  Scary!

After that we gave testimonies on how we got to Focus.  That was the most amazing time.  To hear everyone's individual story of how God orchestrated events in their lives to get them here is nothing short of awesome.  We worship a Sovereign God that works all events for good in the lives of those who love Him.

We also went on a hike yesterday, which I can't decided yet if I had fun.  :D  We were at 10,000 feet altitude, so I was breathing really heavy and getting hot, and dropping stuff, and it was a mess!  But I want to like hiking so bad!  So I am bound and determined to hike as much as I can while I am here, because I just think that hiking is one of the coolest things ever, if your not dying of wet feet, no oxygen, and trying to keep up.  

I think the biggest thing I learned this weekend is how God is glorified in our weaknesses.  There was one day that I was just so frustrated with myself and how easily distracted I am from the Lord.  I just was praying that God would give me tunnel vision for Him and that he would just change my heart.  That same day, God brought so many people into my life who either encouraged me or told me they were having the same problem.  It's so neat how this group has been together for only 5 days, and yet, people are so willing to be authentic with each other.  I've never seen anything like it before.

Here are some snaps from the weekend!

Jake and Ben with their "cool kid" faces.  These are also the two gentlemen that are helping me and my roomies understand The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis.  Heady stuff!

I guess the hike was totally worth it for this snap.  

These were my two hiking buddies: Kristen and Callie.  What sweet girls!

Two cool kats, Curtis and Jim.  They were also part of our "word association game" :)

Oh, and I told them to look goofy for this pic.  

I just loved Callie's shirt!  She has such cool style!

Soli Deo Gloria - to God be the all the Glory!

So...I am finally at Focus on the Family!  And all I can say is...wow.  Soli Deo Gloria is the Institute's motto, and those are the very words that come to mind when I think about my journey to Focus and my experience here so far.  I feel so undeserving of this experiencing and to be in the company of the amazing young people that are here (I so feel like that with my Bryan friends too).  I'm kind of speechless right now - I just know that God is at work in this place and the people here.  I'm on the adventure of a lifetime.  So to make up for my lack of words, I will share some pictures that somewhat demonstrate my short time here so far.

My and my roomies!  L-R: Ashley, me, Sarah, and Callie

A big ol' group of "Focusers" - as I like to call them :)

I love this!  Garden of the Gods at Twilight

Me and my roomie Callie being goofy in our arctic hats - we were in Hobby Lobby lol :)

There are MANY more pictures already, but for some reason, blogger takes forever to upload pics.  Anyway, just thought I would give a sample!  

Oh I just have to tell one funny story.  Actually two.  I just want to say - I am making such a smashing impression here at Focus on the Family Institute :) (said in a sarcastic tone!).  First, we have these security badges that we have to wear at all times when we are in the Focus headquarters (where our classes are) so that they know we are not intruders.  Of course, first day of orientation comes, me and my roomies go rushing off to class, and guess what?!  I forgot my badge.  Ryan, one of the staff guys, was kind enough to let me through without my badge.  We had walked to class, so there was no "rushing back to the apartment" to get it.  Well - here's the icing.  All 76  students are gathered in the classroom, all excited to learn and glean, and then they made all the students who forgot their badge raise their hand!  So you guessed it - yours truly, along with ONE other student raised her hand.  hehe - oh well.  I sure didn't forget my badge today!

Then today - ok, I just have to say, this is classic and will go down in the annals of Becky Embarrassing Moments - but to me it is so funny!  Me and my friend Dani at Bryan have this weird tradition of applying Vanilla Bean Noel hand lotion in the middle of class, I guess it's like a little board habit.  So in the middle of our security briefing today, I'm sitting in class hearing about the robbery rate in Colorado Springs, and so out comes the Vanilla Bean.  

SPLUUUCHAT!!!! 

(that's an exploding lotion sound).  Yes.  My lotion exploded.  And it's effects were far-reaching.  I ended up with a HUGE pile of lotion in my hand, it got all over my sweater, purse, the floor, just...everywhere.  According to the girl next to me, I muttered, "that did not just happen."  I was SO mortified!  The two girls next to me got attacked by the giggles and just couldn't stop, I'm trying to recover my rubbing lotion on my arms, hands, anywhere there is exposed skin.  Trying desperately NOT to draw attention to myself or distract from what the nice security lady is saying.  

And the fragrance of Vanilla Bean Noel wafted through the classroom for all 76 students to enjoy.

Like I said...smashing impression!

my room: before and after

before

after!

                                                                        before

                                                                     after

                                 close up on the bed-spread pattern: by American Heritage

                                                                      I think my new journal is so cute!
      

so pretty

Check out some items on the right that I have found that I think are so cute :)

I Need a Camera! And I Need Help! :)

Being the absent minded, creative, free-thinking person that I am, I often lose stuff.  I hate this aspect of my personality, but I guess if I'm the type to think outside of the box, then if the box represents my life, I often forget what is actually in the box.  Does that make any sense?  Probably not.  Oh well.

But that being said, I lost something very dear to me, and very expensive (at least to me).  My camera.  I lost it in the Tatra Mountains of Slovakia in a coffee shop.  I know it sounds exotic, but it still doesn't make losing my camera any better.  Thankfully, it was toward the tail end of my time in Slovakia this summer, so I didn't miss too much documentation.  The sad thing is, I missed documenting this past semester because I didn't have the funds to buy a new one.  I really regret that.  Pictures mean so much to me, and they capture memories so concisely and vividly.

So, being that I am going to be a semester in Colorado, and being that I have some extra money on my hands at the moment, I am looking to buy a new camera!!!  I will do everything in my willpower to hold on to this precious gem and not let it out of my sight (or put it in a floppy bag that it can fall out of, which is what happened before).  So here is my inquiry:  Have any of you bought a camera recently that is in the 150-250 dollar price range that you have been exceedingly happy with that you would love to recommend?  I am thinking about a Canon Power Shot, but I'm not quite sold yet.

And here is another question for all of you creative types out there (maybe you are also left-handed like me):  however nebulous this question might be, do you have any tried and true strategies for hanging on to valuables so they DO NOT get lost?  I won't go through the laundry list, but I have lost quite a number of things dear to me in my life, and I am tired of it!!!  I have gotten much better, but I know I have a long way to go.  Just thought I would throw it out there and see what answers I might get back.  Thank you so much!  I would appreciate your advice!