hehe...it's true. I have a chronic eye twitch. The other day, I was exasperated beyond all belief with my fluttering left eyelid that I went to Wickepedia and read about eye twitches. It said that they are nothing to worry about, but that it is a sign that you in a time of intense stress and overly fatigued. I felt like I was reading a diagnosis of my life - which is sad. Even though it sounds crazy, I think this little thing called an eye twitch was God's little reminder to me that it was time to slow down.
As you know, I have been taking 19 units (0r hours, as they say in the east!) a.k.a. - 7 classes. I am also facilitating an hour-long book discussion once a week with four freshman girls, leading worship every Wednesday night for a prayer group I am involved with, and in charge of coming up with some activities for freshman girls on the fourth floor of my dorm. All in all, I felt like I was being stretched to the limit - and that all the ways I was being stretched were not good ways, but ways that were draining my life and joy away from me. I was trying to be strong in the midst of loads of stress and little sleep.
Then...I talked to my mentor Jana. She is a pre-med student who is a senior here at Bryan. She said, "Becky, God made us a creatures of rest and he made us to thrive." Thrive. This word really made my ears perk up - the last time I felt like I was thriving was when I was a freshman, taking 15 units, enjoying close fellowship with dear friends, and able to have deep times with the Lord. He did a great work in my heart that year.
Then I started asking some hard questions.
Why am I killing myself with so much work and so many commitments? I realized a lot of it came down to my pride - I was really trying to be superwoman. But as I was trying to be my all-in-all, the true All-in-All was waiting to fill my cup, if I would just sit at his feet for a while and let him. What a painful but good lesson.
So I did it. I withdrew from a class today. This sounds like nothing - but to me, it was a huge deal. It meant I was giving up on something; I was saying "I can't do it". This is hard for me. But I know that this is my spiritual act of worship - saying "God, you are my All-in-All. I cannot do it. Have your way in my life." I already feel so relieved - like a burden has been lifted. I finally reconciled my expectations of myself with what I can really do.
I also learned that because of my double major and my hopes to go to Focus on the Family Institute in the Spring, I may be here an extra semester. BLAAAAA!!!! I'm learning to be ok with taking things a little slower - but it is a process! I'll just have to be ok with be a 5th year-senior. ;-)
Anyway- sorry this is so long. I could write so much more too! I love you all and hope that you are learning that it's ok not to be super-people too. Only our God is truly super!
Love,
Becky
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2 comments:
I love this post Becky. It's so 'real life', ya know? I often feel the same way. We want to run ourselves dry in the name of being productive and over-achieving, but really it's stealing from us! I'm so glad that you didn't let it get to you, and you made a stand for the Lord. He is pleased FOR SURE :) I'm proud of you.
Love, Krystle
Hey boss! I'm proud of you for withdrawing from that class. I have that same problem in my life. Weird! (are we related?) I just read the book The Shack and it's really helping me to stop and just talk to God... just like that! I don't have to worry about bowing my head or saying fancy words, I just talk! It's great! I think I'll go blog about it! Love ya! Oh and yep Mom bought me a ticket to come to Cali! (I also have to go to the dentist while I'm there... yuck!)
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