What do I wanna be when I grow up?

Times are a-changin'.  It's funny how when you get to a certain time in your life (a.k.a. soon to graduate college) you find yourself asking that age-old question: "what do I wanna be when I grow up?"  When the endless frontier of school is no longer stretching out before me, it means I have some options.  And I find myself entering into a whole new adventure.  Really, the possibilities are endless.  I could end up in California or back in the South - or maybe, even in another country!  Who knows!  As I ponder this question and ask random people what they think I should be when I grow up (I mean, someone's gotta tell me ;), I keep coming back to the question: what do I really like - and not just like, but what am I passionate about?

First of all, I am passionate about kids, of all ages.  Anywhere from about 3 to college age.  I am working in the youth group at my church right now, and worked with missionary kids last summer in Slovakia, and loved it.  I feel like working with kids or young adults may be in my future at some point.

I also love communicating in front of large groups.  I used to compete in public speaking in elementary school all the way to my senior year in High School and LOVED it.  I have had a few opportunities to speak in front of groups at Bryan (particularly women) and have LOVED those times too.  Whenever I am able to teach people something or impart something that God has taught me to a group, I feel like I am doing exactly what I'm meant to do.  Teaching maybe?

I love writing.  Ever since I could hold a pencil, I have wrote short stories (including the "Heather" series when I was 7), written in journals and diaries, and now, blogging is my new outlet (although I would never give up my old fashioned, personal journal).  I have also gotten more into writing letters to people.  I believe letter writing is a lost art - you can keep letters forever, they are fun to receive, and you can never accidently delete them :).  They are probably more fun for me to write than they are for people to receive them!  Writing, maybe?

I love the arts.  I love leading worship, crafts, decorating, art projects, good music, cooking, all of it!  I always feel super satisfied when I am able to add an artistic touch to whatever it is that I am doing.

I love hospitality.  Having people to my dorm room, meeting people for coffee, and living a lifestyle that says, "come talk to me.  I have time for you!"  I don't know how this shows itself in a job, but whatever I do, if it involves people, I will be happy!

I love Biblical studies - my major!  I love digging into the Word and finding truths for my life that I can also encourage others with.  There is nothing more satisfying than those rare moments when I feel like "a Berean" - searching out the scriptures and doing the hard work to make sure what I'm believe is true.  I'm still learning how to do this (it will be a life-long journey) but God's Word is so rich and never grows old!  If I could spend my whole life growing in my passion for God's Word and imparting my passion and what I learn to others, that would be the ultimate.  But how?

I don't expect to have "the answer" anytime soon, or ever, for that matter.  I believe my life will be a mosaic of different opportunities that God will graciously bring along my path at the right time.  As Jim Elliot was always so faithful to point out, "there is nothing more adventurous than being in the will of God (paraphrase)."  It's fun to be in a time of life where I can dream and think about these things and wait for what God will do.  I'm already praying for His will to be done in my life and that He would bring about the right opportunities at the right time.  What a cool time of life :)

A Time of Training

Ever since I've been home from FFI, my question has been, "Lord, I just experienced the most amazing, equipping semester of my life.  And here I am.  Home.  Doing online classes.  Now what Lord???!!!"  I've definitely been bit by "the restless bug" again, longing for some great assignment from my Master.  Recently, I've had clarity from my King about what this time at home means and why it is so important.

The clarity came from 1 Corinthians 9:24-27:

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?  Run in such a way as to get the prize.  Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.  They do it to get a crow that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.  Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly;  I do not fight like a man beating the air.  No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified from the prize."

I italicized "strict training", because the Lord is show me that that is where he has me.  How am I supposed to run in a way to get the prize when I'm not even in shape?!  This summer so far has been such a valuable time of one-on-one training with Rabbi Jesus.  He's teaching me how to spend my time wisely, how to manage my finances, what quality time with Him looks like, how to pray, how to just sit and meditate on his Word - the list is endless!  It makes me so excited to know that this summer isn't just a meaningless "holding time" where I just have to make it through.  This summer is such a valuable, crucial time.  

Other words of encouragement have come in the form of In the Shadow of the Almighty - the Life and Testament of Jim Elliot.  Wow!  God has encouraged me so much by reading about this incredible man of faith and how he lived his short 28 years with the passion and vigor most people don't find in their entire life.  How I long to live my life for God in this way!  Here is my shameless plug: read this book!  Your life will never be the same.

 

run, Run, RUN!

This is my favorite video to watch when I feel lack-luster in my Christian walk (or maybe, I should say, hike, or run, or marathon.  Walk sounds too easy!).  I hope it fires you up like it does me every time!

Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cizsb_GE_zc

Enjoy!

Where do I start?

Here's a pic with all my good FFI friends.  How I miss them!

Hi Friends!

I have not blogged in a good long while - too long!  I guess so much has been happening in my life and heart that I haven't felt capable of putting it all in written form.  I'm trying to get over the idea that I have to have all my thoughts together before I blog.  It's all a process :)

Well, as you may have guessed, I am back from the Focus on the Family Institute.  What a life-changing experience that was!  I met some of the dearest friends I could ever hope to make and God met me in such a deeply personal way there.  It's like he took all the deep wounds in my heart, had me look at them, then slowly began to heal them in such a kind, gentle way.  I love my Savior - so much.  I always would say to my friends and family when I would talk about Focus, "If God just meets me there and I am able to know him more and love him more deeply, then my time there will be worth it."  And he did that  - and so much more.  I am so thankful.

Now I am dealing with a whole other season that was entirely different than my experience at Focus.  Remember that restless heart that I talked about a long time ago?  It's back!  I'm home with my parents and doing school all day long, every day.  I am so glad that I get to - it's what's making it possible for me to graduate on time.  But I just spent the most amazing semester learning so much about the world and feeling like I was being equipped to go and make a difference, and here I am, at home, in my room.

My question that I bring to the Lord today and every other day, is "Lord - how do I make a difference today?  What does that look like?"  I am desperately trying to figure out how to be a world changer in the mundane things - in every day life.  I can't always be on the front-lines, sometimes I may just be called to prepare for the front lines, or pray for those on the front lines.  I am still trying to figure out what this looks like.

I praise God again and again for what he did in my heart at the Institute.  Now my question is - what now Lord?  And as he seemed to say to me a lot last semester, he seems to be saying to me now - "Stay, Becky.  Just stay."  I get so restless so quickly.  O Lord - this heart will be restless until it finds it's rest in you.

If you read my blog during the semester, thanks for walking a bumpy road with me!  I am now attempting to just be content where I am and see what the Lord is doing.  He is always taking me on some sort of adventure!

the incline

hello friends!

So the other day I did this crazy thing here in Colorado Springs called "the incline."  Sounds pretty impressive, huh?  haha - but if you saw me doing it, you wouldn't be so impressed anymore!  I just have to laugh at myself when I try to be all cool and athletic.  I always end up making people slow down and wait for me and I'm breathing so hard and I feel so gross.  Who am I trying to fool?! :D  It's pretty hilarious.  But nonetheless, I had fun, because I was with two of my really good friends here, Jake and Terry, and even though they are both hugely more athletic than me, they were kind enough to take it slowly with me :)

Here's a picture of us:

Isn't that an amazing view?  But let me tell you something:  you are NOT thinking about the view when you are climbing it.  All you are thinking is "can I make the next 10 steps?"  "Do have what it takes to get to the top of this thing?"  Every now and then, you stop to breath and look behind you, and BOOM!  There's this gorgeous view.  And even though you've been moving at a snail's pace, you realize, "wow!  I actually have made some progress!"

This didn't come to me until a few days later, but it hit me between the eyes.  I believe those moments are from the Lord - because this image struck me so strongly that I almost started to cry in the middle of class (and that's saying a lot, cuz I'm not much of a crier).  Here it is:

Aren't our spiritual lives like the incline?  We start at the bottom of this mountain all excited because we look at we see the destination, then we start climbing.  The further we go, the harder it is, because we realize how out of shape we really are.  There are times when it feels like you can't take one more step and you wonder "have I made ANY progress whatsoever?"  And then you turn around and see - wow, I have gotten somewhere!  

Now I'm gonna pull Terry and Jake into this.  They walked the journey with me.  If it was just me climbing that mountain, I know I would have given up or it would've taken ALOT longer.  But because of their strength, fellowship, and servant hood to help me along the path, I was able to move faster and be stronger.  This represents the Body of Christ to me.  If I have learned anything in my short amount of years, it's the importance of community.  Nothing will make us fall faster as believers than "lone-ranger Christianity."  We need to surround each other, encourage each other, spur each other on, challenge each other, and be strong when others feel weak.  What a beautiful thing true Christian community is!  Oh that more churches would exemplify this to the world.  

I hope this touches your soul the way it did mine.  God is so good - he can turn an afternoon hike into a spiritual parallel that rocks your world!

-Stay-

Hey Ya’ll!

 

Sorry it’s been so long!  So much has been going on in my heart and my mind recently that I feel as though I’ve had (excuse the potty talk – hehe J) mental constipation.  I haven’t really been able to process all that’s been going on in the noodle until now.  So hopefully I am able to express my heart in a clear, concise way that is maybe even a little fun to read too.

 

First of all, here’s a little update on what’s been going on:

 

Last weekend, I had the awesome privilege of attending a Hearts at Home Conference in Bloomington, Illinois.  It’s actually a conference for moms (don’t freak out anyone J) but I got to attend as a sort-of ambassador for Focus on the Family.  For my practicum at the Institute, I work for Dr. Juli Slattery.  She’s written several books, interviews people for Focus broadcasts, and teaches a class at the Institute.  I get to attend interviews that she conducts, read and review books for her, critique the broadcasts she does (eeekkk!  I feel like I don’t have much to offer here, but I’m learning), and traveling to this conference was part of the practicum.  My friend Amy and I stood at the Focus booth all day Friday and Saturday and answered people’s questions about Focus and handed out free resources.  It was a lot of fun – and very tiring!

 

So this week, I’ve been trying to recover from the awesome but draining weekend, doing school and trying to be outside as much possible.  The spring here has been surprisingly warm, so I have been loving doing whatever I can outside.  My most recent outdoor activity that brought my heart so much joy was climbing to the top of a pine tree on top of this ridge on Mount Cuttler here in Colorado Springs.  It was one of the most magnificent experiences I think I have had since I have been here.  Eric Liddel, the famous Christian Scottish runner once said, “When I run, I feel God’s pleasure.”  I know it sounds silly, but when I was perched on top of that tree, I felt God’s pleasure J.  My soul felt like it breathe as I was surrounded by the fragrant pine branches, and looking out at all the beauty around me.  It was so quiet and serene. 

 

Ok – now for what’s been going on in my heart.  Whew!  It’s been a crazy world in there, but I know God is at work, and that makes me so happy.  Psalm 86:11 makes my heart sing because I have been seeing God working this out in my life:

 

Teach me your way, O LORD,

And I will walk in your truth;

Give me an undivided heart,

That I may fear your name.

 

I’ve seen God in the process of working this out in so many ways.  First of all, he’s been showing me a lot of my inadequacies.  I know he’s not doing it to shame me or make me feel bad, but to remind me to depend on him.  Everyday, I am humbled by how easily I stray, and it only pushes me further to his throne because I have nowhere else to go!  I am learning how sufficient he is in my insufficiency.

If you haven’t picked up from my previous posts, this semester has been a major season of “wrestling” for me.  Just wrestling with some big “life” things that I’ve never dealt with before. I have to keep coming back to the truth that God and I are on the same team and he is working for my good and not my harm.  Today in class we looked at the example of Jonah who tried to run away from God’s plan, and yet still ended up in Ninevah in the end.  God’s plan still happened even though Jonah tried to run away.  We also looked at the example of Jacob, who clung to God even in the midst of wrestling.  This is so where I am friends!  I feel like I am trying to hang on for dear life and God and I work on some big things together.  It is so good, but I can get tired very easily.  His strength always comes through when I need it.

 

I would just encourage you – if you an in a place of “wrestling”, whether it be a doctrinal issue, an apologetics issue, a difficult relationship, overcoming an addiction or stronghold, fears, or just trying to understand more of who God is or lies you have believed, stay.  God is doing something big in your heart.  But just like Jacob, cling to Yahweh and wrestle together.  You may come out limping a little, but you will understand more of who you are and more of who God is.  What a beautiful place to be.

Here are some pics!

Amy and I at the Focus on the Family booth at the Hearts at Home Conference

View from the side of the road going up to Mount Cuttler.  Did I mention that I love living here?

Notice the awesome tunnel carved through the mountain.  This picture represents pure peace and serenity to me.  God's creation sings his name!

Two awesome girls, Missy and Sarah, and I.  They are so much fun!

Given More than Beyond Measure

-some of my favorite pictures as of late-

-every morning I wake up and see the rugged beauty of Pike's Peak, the local 14,000 footer-

-these are some of my buds here: Sarah, Jim, and Curtis, they are the bomb-

-Hanging out with Jeremy Camp, his wife (0n his left) and the band at the Focus broadcast studios (I told them I wanted a goofy picture :)

-Jeremy Camp's lovely wife, Adie, in the green shirt.  She used to sing for the Christian rock band, Benjamin Gate -

I'm not gonna lie.  I'm a little overwhelmed right now - on so many levels.  In the last two days, I've gotten to meet James and Shirley Dobson, Christian authors John Trent, Gary Smallie, and Gary Thomas, and music artist Jeremy Camp and his wife Adie.  I'm overwhelmed at the thought that I've gotten to be in the presence of such great Christian leaders, thinkers, and artists.  But more than that, I'm overwhelmed at what God has been doing in my heart.  As I sat in interview after interview today - my Savior seemed to be hitting my heart with meat tenderizer.  I know that sounds terrible, but it's just what I needed.  

I listened to 65 year old Gary Smallie cry out to my generation to let scripture penetrate our hearts and change our lives.  I listened to Dr. Del Tackett plead with our generation to let God's character be the model for our marriages:

"We have to stop looking to other people, like our spouses, to enhance OUR life script.  It's not about us and our script - it's all about experiencing the intimacy that has been being experienced in the Trinity for all eternity - and this cannot be accomplished with the mindset: 'IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!'" - Dr. Del Tackett

I also listened to the heart-breaking tragedy that Jeremy Camp has gone through with losing his first wife and how God has redeemed his life from the pit.  He is married now to Adie and has two beautiful daughters.  

With each subsequent interview and speaker today that I listened too - I kept hearing from my Savior:

"Don't you see, Becky?  Do you hear me now?  I'm not here to harm you - I'm hear to heal you!  Will you let me?  Will you stay in the light and not shrink back and see what wonders I bring to pass in your life? "

My heart literally feels like it is groaning from how it is being stretched.  It sometimes seems to be too much to handle.  But I would be a fool to not listen to the wisdom I heard today, which in a nutshell can be summed up in:

This life is all about Him

We try to make it about so many other things: ourselves, our scripts, gaining God's approval, trying to be a good person, doing the right thing, not getting in too much trouble, having fun, being cool - whatever.  It's all a facade.  The ultimate, most fulfilling goal is him.  Just ask 65 year old best-selling author Gary Smallie.  He'll tell you.  He's tried the good Christian route and it brings him to the broadcast studio and elderly and humble man crying out - "its all about him.  I've tried everything else - and I stand before you today say, it's still all about him."

I know this may not make any sense.  It's ok if it doesn't.  This is kind of just helping me process all that God is doing in my stubborn heart.  Thanks for bearing with me.

The truth is - I've already been given more than beyond measure.  Christ has already paid it all - if only I would just stop striving and let him use me as a vessel.  

I need to stop - I'm so rambling right now.  I just wish all of you could feel what I feel right now - total and utter awe of the worth of Christ and pursuing my life in him.